long night short, it ending with me in bed, crying so hard that this morning i woke up sick [i was already nursing a cold before, but i woke up eyes swollen, nose stopped up, sneezing, coughing, sore throat, aching limbs, headache]. crying so hard i didnt make sounds even tho i was screaming. crying so hard that my heart heart. curled up around a pillow, covered in a blanket, fetal position to stop the ache of lonely in my belly, the coldness at my back, and that weird dropping sensation in my heart.
for a long time i struggled like this, just wrestling, my spirit praying, my mind screaming, and my body clenching. i wanted so much that i did not have. i tried so hard to only fail. i hear Gods voice and try to follow the vision only for it to never materialize [yet].
and i was so tired. so much had happened yesterday yall, it was too much. i said at the end of this episode
well God, if you wanted me broken, here i am. pick up the pieces. if you wanted me alone to break me, you got it. since you made me, you know my personality. you knew i would isolate myself. im done. i dont care anymore. so if you wanted me broken, here i am.
fell asleep.
woke up early bone tired but somehow refreshed. plus God answered a simple prayer, well a couple of simple prayers for me immediately, maybe to build me up some from last night, give me a sense of calm and security for the day.
a simple touch that is the right touch, the appropriate touch, can do so much.
Love
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