FOR THE SEMESTER. ill be bak in the fall.
i have to keep reminding myself of that. because i cried twice and almost had a panic attack today.
well, i mean, it was an eventful day. my road dog told me today "pick 3 things you want to get accomplished. and do them. just those three things"
of course me being me, i did more than those 3 things. but the point is, at the beginning of the day i had my minor list of things to do and as i was walking to campus, i broke down. [yall dont wanna see my breakdowns. they involve me spewing the many thoughts i have and since i have so much brain waves they are a lot of intertwined thoughts, along with screaming, crying, and thought cussing] and my RD told me to do the 3 things. and i had something to come back to all day. i was grounded.
and i feel accomplished because i did those 3 things.
normally i would feel defeated because i didnt accomplish everything on the list. but because of this advice, i wasnt. thank you.
because on my minor list [let me explain. i have a master list of things i want to get done. period. whether its the week, the year, the month, its things i want to get done. and i have minor lists that give dates these things should be done by. todays minor list stated that the about 12 things on the list is what i wanted to accomplish that day and if i didnt do that, then i pretty much had failed at life] anyways. on my minor list everything was not crossed off. on my master list even less is crossed off.
but i did those 3 things. and i only cried 2x. and had 1/2 a breakdown. i think i did well today.
LATER SIDENOTE: you know, today was stressful, for a lot of people. and really, if you are close to me and your day is stressful, then im stressful. plus my twin (lowercase, that is, my biological sister twin and not my line sister Twin) told me some not so good news about her health and family just stresses me in general. plus i had to deal with finances today, which if you know, when you aint got no money, can be stressful. then the people from the DC rape crisis center called me to schedule my weekly appointments. [maybe next time ill talk about the differences between intake at the howard counseling center and at this center lol. btw, howard has NOT called me yet to schedule appointments altho i went there a full week before i went to dcrcc.]
at times i had to switch back into the deanna where everything is fine and i swept stuff in my corner. because i dont do public breakdowns [actually. i did a very public breakdown in the student services office the day that i got the total withdrawal forms. the admin assistant ms. king had to hold me up. i was like snotting, crying, couldnt breathe. it was bad. good thing nobody in CEACS actually goes there, at least not when im there]
anyways. i swept that stuff off to the side. its still there now. i see it looming, dust mites swirling out the corner of my eye as i sit here in the health science library.
but it won't stay there. my road dog said i should debrief when i get home. and thats a good idea. i shouldnt just bawl all out on the streets, thats how you get snatched up. i should deal with it best i can, try to vent to trusted ppl throughout the day. then debrief. maybe the sob-fest im bout to have when i get back home will put me to sleep. i hope so. because i havent been sleeping at all these days. =(
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