my room, my life

There's this saying that the status of your room reflects the status of your life. its kinda ridiculous, but ive found that it is kind of true...

when im hecka busy, my room has clothes and toiletries in different places simply because i do not have the time to put stuff back as im rushing in and out...

when i have things in order, everything is placed very deliberately in my room...


and i just thought about this today, as i looked around my room. it really reflects how i feel about my life right now.

my room is in a state of transition. im in the process of remodeling you could say, making a different theme, bringin in new items and taking out old things, reordering where everything goes.

and my life right now is in a state of transition.

like my room, there are areas that are totally finished. they are clean, organized, decorated, and staged so they are pleasant to the eye. in my life, there are areas i have worked on that i feel are organized, that im doing well and am on track with.

then there are areas that are partially done. im waiting on a piece of furniture, or a little more time to put things together that i like. just like some areas in my life. i know what i want to do and how i want to do it, i have a clear vision for it, but im just waiting for that one confirmation, that one action, that right time.

there are things that i have thrown out bc they no longer help me, maybe never were useful. and there are things that ive kept bc i need them. things ive kept bc they remind me of things. and things ive kept bc i just cant let them go just yet [even if i need to].

and alas, there are areas that are a plain ol' mess. i know how and why the mess got there but i have no idea what to do about it. i cant even clean it bc there is no place to put the things away, and i really dont know when, how, or where i could get what i need. just like my life...these areas that i see are a HOT MESS, so tangled, hurt, broken, yet i dont know what to do about it. i cant visualize the solution.

HOWEVER, unlike this area in my room, where i know why it is like it is, but dont know when, how, or where i could get what i need, that is not the case in my life. i know why things are the way they are, and i know when and how to get them right....actually, the where is a WHO. when? now. how? reach out. and WHO?

My God.

no thats not an exclamation. or it is. it is the answer, and it is the exclamation.

im a mess. but arent we all?

now just turning to God is not going to make my mess instantly organized, the items i need may not come falling out of the sky in the instant of prayer. but as i get closer and closer to Him, i receive peace. i can stand in the midst and my mind isnt frazzled. i can even sleep in the midst [in the case of my room, i actually do sleep in the midst of the 3 loads of laundry that have yet to be folded and put away in the imaginary dresser i do not have lol]. i can have hope that one day it will be neat and organized, my mind my emotions my spirit my health.

its not easy to go to God everyday and not feel anything and then when youre done everything is still the same [especially if youre a feel person, like me]. but it does pay off. the more disciplined i am and the more regularly i spend time with God, the easier it is to feel His Presence.

i cant wait for the day where i can feel Him with me, always, at all times.

until then, i am steadfast in cleaning up my room! no matter how long it takes.